CutE mAp

DLMK22-Friendship

How's my friendship with her? I don't know. Why we'll treat each other as a stranger at school now? Nothing to say to me anymore? I think so... I've chatted with a friend last night about this special friendship. I've told him all of the problems that I'm facing now. He has suggested that I should go and ask her why she suddenly treat me very 'cool'. I said I'm not going to ask her anything about this. The reason is,I don't want she feel like I'm an annoying person. Just let it remain as now. Feel jealous to those guys that can have close contact with her. Me? Cannot consider as a far contact with her,'coz we even don't have any contact. Feel happy 'coz she still replying my message,although it's far shorter than those messages that she replied to me last time. I think the problem is we have no topic to chat anymore. Or maybe she's already bored of chatting with me? Ya... I think it is the reason......

DLMK21-alone

I feel lonely. Nobody actually concern about me. I'm trying to hide all my unhappiness from others by laughing all the time. Laughing also can makes me forget all my unhappy memories,but just for that moment. When I got into my mom's car just now after school,all those misery pop out within a second. I'm not as happy as I you all see me at school. Nobody knows. DLMK21. I'll no longer write this 'DLMK' anymore,maybe. 'Coz it's already became meaningless. Maybe I'll change it to,LMKF. Who knows?

Nice

DLMK19-It won't change......

Maybe she's busy... I shouldn't bother her anymore... But I'll feel unhappy everytime when she treat me 'cool'... She talk to me only once in a day now at school... Sometimes we even didn't talk to each other... It's totally different now compared to last time... Just like today,when she called my name,I really felt very happy and straight away told her that that was the first time she call my name today,but she didn't hear what I'm trying to tell... Do you all think it's kinda stupid to feel happy just because of this silly stuff? Yea... I think so... And I'll feel quite unhappy also when she's together with other guys... Haha... I'm such a loser! Feeling moody for what? She's too high class...

The special friendship has became worse... We're not best friend anymore I think... Only I'm treating her as a best friend,or even more,but she only treat me as a normal friend,that's all.

DLMK18-My Feelings?

I wish I could have a mature girl as my love partner. Someone that has a similar thought as me. We can share each other's things all the time,and also can help each other when facing problems. The most important things is to have the same taste. I prefer a love by soul rather than using brain. Sometimes even can compete with her to get something. Haha... My English is quite bad and you all may not understand what I'm trying to tell.

Less than 4 months to go before STPM. I'm still not ready for anything. I think I'll never achieve my aim if I still don't wanna move forward. I should be worked hard now but not thinking about other things. That's what I did at form 5 that made me only get 6As in SPM. It was also about love. But I never feel regret about things on 2005. I think I should change my attitude starting from tomorrow. Shouldn't be lazy in class anymore. But the biggest problem is my determination. I don't think I'll have 100% determination on study unless something really worst happened to me. Although I say so,but I also don't hope that something bad will happen to me.
Finger-crossed......=)

HoNda

DLMK17-Settled

Finally,I've finished my Grade 5 practical piano exam! Prepared it for almost a year,just for the 20 minutes performance. Now wait for the result lo... Never hope to get Merit or Distinction,as long as I pass,then it's already ok...

After the exam yesterday,I didn't back home immediately. Hang around at KLCC,then received a call from KM. She said she wanna go out with me and wanna tell me something. I told her to come to KLCC. She really came! We watched Vacancy,then went out to the garden outside KLCC to have a walk. We found a place to sit down and we started to chat. We went home around 9pm. I received her message around 10 pm. She said she can't forget me,and won't treat me bad,also said she still likes me... I told her don't think too much. And said we should concentrate on study now. She agreed. Then ok already.

I think everything is ok now. Now I just wanna concentrate on study,and also all my friendship. Love's things,after STPM first lah...

DLMK13-Mooooody..............

My relationship with KM ends finally at last night. My feeling after that 'break up' moment was,down... Lost my mood to do anything... Then I've called some friends to come out and chat. Felt better after that. KM said I didn't put her inside my heart,so she don't wanna continue anymore. I say nothing. That's the end of our story,and I think this might be the last 'The End' of us...

After ending this love relationship,I don't know what will happen to the another friendship. Today at school,until home,I feel that that friendship has already became very very normal. That's what I don't wish to happen. Maybe it's the fate. What I wish is,our friendship can back to the stage last time,a very best friend. Haha... That's very good ar... Go here go there,share each other's secrets,stay with each other when one of us is unhappy,chat happily,and many many more... That's all what I wish,back to that happy period of mine. But those were already past tense... Whatever is gone,it won't come back,anymore.

DLMK11-Am I too NAIVE?

I'm such a DONKEY! Why you didn't tell me that you won't fallen to me for the rest of your life? Why you didn't tell me straightly that we're impossible to be with each other together? Why you just said I'm not really fallen on you,but you never say you won't fallen to me? You had drive me mad! I feel like I'm now playing by you. You told me that you didn't like him now,but why you told the others that you still love him very much? Why can't you just tell me that you still love him very much? Why you wanna cheat me?

I'm not as good as him... You won't have ANY feeling towards me forever... Whatever I do,whenever I wait you until,it's also the same...

Tell me straight forward,you won't like me. Is this sentence that difficult to be told?

DLMK8-Responsibility?

Responsibility,makes KM's bf... I lost a best friend because of KM... A special buddy for me,E... I felt damn unhappy all these days... She's so cool to me... Less talk to me... I'll always look at her in the class when I'm free... Maybe she lives more happy without me...

I've chatted with KM today at school before go home... I told KM that I still like E,even more than my her... But KM didn't show any unhappy face to me... I know KM is damn sad,just don't wanna show to me... KM said she wanna be with me happily for these 4 months... But these 4 months have already bring me to an ending,which is the one that I do not wish to happen... KM don't want me to leave her... I'm now doing a job as a BF,with less love feelings... The one who I really like,has nearly become a stranger with me... I'm 'ff' now... But I only can do nothing...

DLMK6-Life's suckS!

What happened? Why everyone treat me like that? Damn! Don't wanna care about me,leave me alone... I can't stand for it anymore!!! Why not you all come and care about me,care about what I feel??? T-T

DLMK1-Tough

I've made a decision that I never wish to... I leaved her... I was wonder why KM can be so selfish... Maybe is because I'm the one who did things wrong at first... I should pick up this responsibility... KM don't want me to close to her anymore... So I've made this decision...

Didn't face to her today... Feel like very weird... Didn't talk to her today... Feel like very boring,meaningless in my school life... I saw her,feel very tired today,don't know why... I wanna go and care about her,but I know I can't do this... It's very hard for me to leave her alone... I saw her drink water today,but she drank so much in a time... But at least she drink lar... Good girl... Hehe... After I went home,I didn't chat with her in SMS... Feel like I've lost something... Very boring,and the time also pass so slow... She's online now... Should I find her and chat with her? I think I should not do this... Maybe I'll just send her some words and then offline immediately... I always do something like this... I miss her very much ar... What should I do? What can I do? Maybe everything will be fine soon,right?

Just now,I looked at my face through the mirror... Compared to her ex,I'm really nothing... Haiz... Nevermind lah... No matter how I look like,she also will not fall in love to me... I just hope that I can stay beside her,to make her happy... I don't want her to be sad anymore...

I remebered her words,not to wear the other's specs,not to put the handphone in the pocket infront of the chest... Some stupid advice from her... Haha... Hope she'll always remember to take her morning and night pills,spray her medicine,drink more water,do her homework everyday and sleep early every night lah... And concentrate to the class everytime... Don't always sleep at class when teacher is teaching ma... Don't be so blur everytime... Must get out of the 'soh po' life ma... The most important thing is to do what she wish to... I mean things that are about her ex lar...

I'm going to walk alone when the KPJ duty lu... She is leaving my life,and withdrawing my happiness in my life...... She is Mei Kuan.

It's Impossible...

I think,she'll not likes me... I'm really nothing for her,compared to her ex... Everytime when she mention about her ex,my heart will feel like broken... She haven't forget about him,and also will never forget about him... Everytime when I heard about her ex's name from her mouth,I'll feel that I'm just like an useless guy... She'll never likes me... He's everything but I'm just nothing... I'm a person that lack of confidence... I'm not 'her cup of tea'... Her standard is too high until I can't reach it... This is the 2nd time,that I feel like really don't have any confident... It's also the 2nd time that I'll willing to do something stupid for a girl... The 1st time was Huie Thing...

I'm trying to do many things so that I can stay together with her more... But everytime when I'm doing these kind of things,I'm actually showing all my 'uselessness' to her... I really don't wanna like that...... I don't know what to do now... Happy when I be with her... I only want a happy relationship,just like this,but I don't think we can move any step forward... Not even after STPM... I'm too weak for her... She should not has a person like me to stay with her... What she needs,is a person that just like her ex,a person that is outstanding,even extraordinary...

Maybe I should just do what Kang Wei has said,using that method to pull out my feelings to her... I think she also wishes me to do so... Sometimes I'll feel like she has some feelings towards me,but sometimes I'll feel that she just treat me as a best friend... I think P(she treat me as best friend)>P(she likes me),for many many times...

The trip to Parliament has already cancelled,so many of us were planning to go home early,but my friends didn't... She did... When I back to my class,my feeling was just like,I lost something... Then,I started to search for something... The thing that I'm searching for,is her... When I've realized that she's already gone,I felt so down in a sudden... I've called her immediately... But I didn't follow her to get back to home... I went to Science 2 to find my friends... Chat with Zhe Chua about my problem and feelings now... He told me that don't go to compare myself with her ex... But I can't... I think everyone will definitely impressed by her ex when they heard about him...

He's everything and I'm nothing...
He's Hero and I'm just a ZERO!!!

It's nearly the end...

I think I'll take a long break before I posting on this blog for the next time... Thanks for those who were supporting my blog all this time... Thank You Very Much... Bye......

The End----->The Beginning

The Prom Night had already over... As Kar Muan's partner,I enjoyed the night... I saw that buddy was busy doing her job all the night... So,we less talk to each other... I wanted to dance with her,but,Kar Muan was with me all the night... I've missed the chance... Feel a little bit regret... But nevermind lah...

After the Prom Night,I've went to Aman Puri McD with Kar Muan,Jenny,Zhe Chua and Jiun Tat to have our supper... I was still stay with Kar Muan at the McD there to have a chat before we went home after our meal... We started to chat about our problem of love... She said we better become friend... Then okay lo... I didn't say anything... Fetched her home,and then went to find that buddy at her house... But she was already sleep at that time I think... She didn't receive the messages that I've sent to her... Kar Muan called me later and said her earing might have leave at my car just now... I back to her house,and finally,she found her earing on the floor infront of her house... After that,I received the message delivery report for the message that I've sent to that buddy... She replied me and said her handphone had run out of battery just now... Then I've rushed to her house 'coz I felt unhappy...

She went out from her house and she thought I'll take her for a ride to somewhere else... But I didn't do that,'coz my car is 'not that suitable to do this kind of job'... We went to the garden near her house,sit down on the cement bench... I didn't say anything... Then she started to talk about her problem... She cried...... I listened to her and then said something to calm her down... Then I received a call from Kar Muan... We chatted for about half an hour before we ended our conversation... I've decided to back to the relationship with Kar Muan...... The end,had become another beginning... Maybe it's good,or maybe it's not... I also don't know...

After that phone call,I back to the cement bench with that buddy... Her head leaned on my shoulder... I felt a bit 'sweet' at that time... Don't know why... After a while,I also feel very tired and my head had already leaned on her head,then I fall asleep... Don't know after how long,I awaked and she pulled me up and want me to go home... But I really felt damn tired and sad at that time... After a while,we went home......

This post is just to write down what happened early at this morning... For no reason,I just wanna post it...... Hope you all will not feel boring when reading this post...

Maybe it's good for everyone

That buddy of mine that i've mentioned in my last post,said that we're all buddies... It's okay... At least this case will not be too complicated... But another thing is,when I heard this for the first time,I felt a little bit down... Don't know why...

Saw C just now at school when I was going to go home after taken my report card... She didn't even take a look at me for any milisecond... At that time,I just think that,why can't we just become a friend? Can't even look at me? Feel a bit sad for this... But nevermind... I don't care about her anymore... I should not keep her things inside my heart... It's worthless...

Tonight is the Prom Night... Should I become Kar Muan's partner or just be alone? I really don't know... Can anybody tell me what should I do? I really wish to dance with that buddy... But I don't think that she'll thinking of the same thing as me... Her partner of last year's Prom Night was her ex,the outstanding guy... She still have the memories of him inside her heart... So... I should just forget it,let it go......

What should I treat Kar Muan as at tonight's Prom Night? My dancing partner? My girlfriend? Or just a normal friend? I really don't know............ I don't wanna hurt her anymore... So what should I do? I wish I could just lost my memories right now!!! Everything about love will not bothering me anymore!!!!!!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................

why?

Why me? Why I always involved in something complicated? Why always me,but not anybody else? Since last Thursday,I got back to the relationship with Kar Muan... This is a secret and it'll be revealed at this Saturday's Prom Night...

A buddy of mine really makes me feel like...... I don't know what to do and... Keep on thinking of the way to solving the problem... That person treat me so good,and I...... Is it that person just treat me as a friend? I really hope so... 'Coz at least it won't makes this case to become more and more complicated... But I think it's quite stupid for me to think about this,because,it's impossible that that person will have any other feeling to me out of the friendship things... Maybe I'm just over-worried about it... The thing that makes me stop thinking about it,is that person's ex... The ex is an outstanding person... I think everyone will be attracted by that ex... Comparing everyting of me with that ex,I'm just nothing... So... I think maybe I'm really over-worried about it... That buddy of mine would not have any other special feeling towards me... Then... I think everything will be fine soon... But I really need that buddy very very much... I really hope that nothing will spoil our friendship... 'Coz that's the only person that I treat as a real buddy of an opposite gender...

I love to stay with that buddy... Very comfortable,no pressure at all,can say anything,release tension,do something special,happy or even delighted... I'll feel okay everytime I see that buddy when I'm moody... That buddy really can considered as my 'medicine of bad mood'... Haha... Weird isn't it... I couldn't thinking of my life without that buddy... I can't lost her and I also hope that this won't be happened on me......

Hiu......

I'm okay now... Stop thinking of her already... 'Coz I think it's not worth it... What should I do now? Study hard for my STPM... I'm sure at least I can get over 3.0 for my CGPA of STPM... That's my new aim now... Love matters... I don't think I need it now... I have a best friend now... Eng Mei Kuan... A special friend,Kar Muan... And the other buddies... Good care from family... I'm enough with what I have now... My life is happy now... And also,I still have this blog... When I'm in a bad mood,I can just 'write down' my feeling at here,put my bad mood at here and just leave it... Although there's nobody log into my blog,but I'll still continue blogging at here... I feel very thank you to those who read my blog... Thanks for supporting me all the time... I'm fine now... Thank You Very Much... ^-^

为什么？

我什么你们要杯葛我？我做错了吗？喜欢上一个人有罪吗？就是因为她是我girlfriend的好朋友，我就不能喜欢上她吗？我们的初恋就一定要是结婚对象的了吗？喜欢一个人，难道我能控制的吗？感觉来的时候，难道我能阻挡得到吗？分手一定是男生的错吗？你们只为嘉雯想，那有为我想过吗？你们以为我很开心吗？我很痛苦，有人懂吗？我很伤心难过，你们懂吗？我并没有追求另一个，也没有一脚踏两船，难道酱都有错吗？你们杯葛我，那有想过我的感受吗？我不能过回正常生活，你们知道吗？我很大压力你们懂吗？我很想哭你们又懂吗？我很累你们知道吗？我才19岁罢了，难道你们要我跟一个自己不喜欢的人过一生吗？我不能有选择的权利吗？我只想找一个适合自己的人，不可以吗？难道我连喜欢一个人的权利也没有吗？难道我要喜欢我想喜欢的人都不可以吗？难道我只可以喜欢特定的几个人吗？我什么都不能做了，难道你们不能让我安安乐乐地喜欢一个人吗？我已经选择了，我对她，只是暗恋，可以吗？




你们不觉得你们自己很幼稚吗？？！！