美丽的误会不断......

非常记得张小娴的这一篇散文。

http://milkyhuo.blogspot.my/2007/10/blog-post_08.html

这是因为问题总是周而复始。是我个人的问题吗？

很多事情，放下自在。可是，我的手却打不开。

唔掂

今天之后，所有人都会觉得我唔掂。

GM觉得我唔掂。
老板觉得我唔掂。
Estate觉得我唔掂。
Senior觉得我唔掂。
Staff也会觉得我唔掂。

我很累了。现在的我很痛苦。我很迷失。我很迷惘。有谁可以帮到我？打救我？

忍耐的人生

是我這個人太斤斤計較嗎？爲什麽我總是遇到不如意又不稱心的人事物？真的是太愛鑽牛角尖了？顧慮太多？已經醬多年了，上天依然在考驗我的心智。慢慢地，我的猶豫不決已經不能再用了，因爲很多事情必須當下決定，沒有回頭。

平靜的人生快來吧！要不然我真的會氣得要走了！

不被重視

真的不是件好事。

如果完全被忽視，還不用緊。

寧願被忽視，也不要被輕視。

大笨蛋！被牛角给刺死他吧！

就算是个无耻小人，也能令我耿耿于怀一整天，为什么？

我跟人的相处之道，就是尽量不要得失别人，但有时候那些白痴真的会令到我忍无可忍，一不小心就踩到了白痴的尾巴。虽说那白痴是个公敌，但好歹他也是个有生命的物体，所以就令我感到有亲手杀生的感觉，令到心里产生不安。

有谁可以教教我，怎样能够放下，不去执着于因为踩到白痴的尾巴而不开心？

累了，顯了。

真的感到累了。不知道爲什麽。是因爲太年輕，思想不夠成熟嗎？沒了熱誠？不知道啊！也可能是因爲那些白癡吧。人說不要因爲一個污點而忽略了整張白紙，但這個污點差不多可以覆蓋整張紙了。

氣息不對，氣色也不對。這是什麽感覺？什麽事都想太多？頭爆了。好像逃，逃離這個瘋狂的世界！

眼淚苦苦的，雨是甜的，所以就等雨來灌溉出我的好心情吧，如果可以的話。否則就會落淚，這苦苦的淚，會令到我情緒零碎。我說了不哭，就會忍住不哭。但雨下一整晚的話，心情會好嗎？我依然需要前進，去找尋新的記憶和空氣的啊，所以等到放晴那天，也許我會比較好一點。好吧，那就等雨說放棄吧。

busy? or not?

She has blacklisted me. She's trying to avoid me. I can feel that. Or maybe it's just I think too much? I don't know. I won't know. Nothing I can do. I only can try to forget her. But it's too hard for me. Don't know why. We didn't chat in this whole holiday. She sent me a message last night. I can't sleep because of that message 'coz I've waited her message for so long. The end of her message was,"no need to reply". You know what I feel?

distracted......

Now,it should be the time for me to study very hard 'coz the STPM trial examination is just around the corner. But I don't think I can do that. Why? I can't concentrate.

I love the new background music of my blog now. It's an intermezzo of the movie,Secret. Hope you all will also like it.

Her ex is still inside her mind... Sometimes I also will think of her ex. Why? 'Coz I wanna do the same thing as she did. Is it funny? Maybe... But I don't think it is.

Not Feeling Well

I'm not okay now. I've scared to posting at here 'coz I afraid that someone will read it and feel unhappy. So,what I've written at here,might not be the 100% of me. It makes me feel like,I can't even express the real me on my writings at here now. Couldn't blame anyone 'coz it's all my fault. I'm the person who worsen the situation.

Behaves badly on love. The name 'playboy' is going to stick on me,right? I think nobody will deny this. It's a fact. Have a bad record. Sometimes,I'll thinking of,I shouldn't be at here in Form 6. At least I won't even hate myself,hate everything that I did. I'm still a guy that love Huie Thing very much. I won't have those bad attitudes as what I have now. I'm still a normal guy. But now,it's totally different. Everything changed. I'm a bad guy in many people's mind. I can't return to the past. I've to walk through it. But the problem is,can I do that? Although I'm the one who hurt my ex,but I also feel that,I've already afraid about,love............

DLMK19-It won't change......

Maybe she's busy... I shouldn't bother her anymore... But I'll feel unhappy everytime when she treat me 'cool'... She talk to me only once in a day now at school... Sometimes we even didn't talk to each other... It's totally different now compared to last time... Just like today,when she called my name,I really felt very happy and straight away told her that that was the first time she call my name today,but she didn't hear what I'm trying to tell... Do you all think it's kinda stupid to feel happy just because of this silly stuff? Yea... I think so... And I'll feel quite unhappy also when she's together with other guys... Haha... I'm such a loser! Feeling moody for what? She's too high class...

The special friendship has became worse... We're not best friend anymore I think... Only I'm treating her as a best friend,or even more,but she only treat me as a normal friend,that's all.

It's Impossible...

I think,she'll not likes me... I'm really nothing for her,compared to her ex... Everytime when she mention about her ex,my heart will feel like broken... She haven't forget about him,and also will never forget about him... Everytime when I heard about her ex's name from her mouth,I'll feel that I'm just like an useless guy... She'll never likes me... He's everything but I'm just nothing... I'm a person that lack of confidence... I'm not 'her cup of tea'... Her standard is too high until I can't reach it... This is the 2nd time,that I feel like really don't have any confident... It's also the 2nd time that I'll willing to do something stupid for a girl... The 1st time was Huie Thing...

I'm trying to do many things so that I can stay together with her more... But everytime when I'm doing these kind of things,I'm actually showing all my 'uselessness' to her... I really don't wanna like that...... I don't know what to do now... Happy when I be with her... I only want a happy relationship,just like this,but I don't think we can move any step forward... Not even after STPM... I'm too weak for her... She should not has a person like me to stay with her... What she needs,is a person that just like her ex,a person that is outstanding,even extraordinary...

Maybe I should just do what Kang Wei has said,using that method to pull out my feelings to her... I think she also wishes me to do so... Sometimes I'll feel like she has some feelings towards me,but sometimes I'll feel that she just treat me as a best friend... I think P(she treat me as best friend)>P(she likes me),for many many times...

The trip to Parliament has already cancelled,so many of us were planning to go home early,but my friends didn't... She did... When I back to my class,my feeling was just like,I lost something... Then,I started to search for something... The thing that I'm searching for,is her... When I've realized that she's already gone,I felt so down in a sudden... I've called her immediately... But I didn't follow her to get back to home... I went to Science 2 to find my friends... Chat with Zhe Chua about my problem and feelings now... He told me that don't go to compare myself with her ex... But I can't... I think everyone will definitely impressed by her ex when they heard about him...

He's everything and I'm nothing...
He's Hero and I'm just a ZERO!!!

The End----->The Beginning

The Prom Night had already over... As Kar Muan's partner,I enjoyed the night... I saw that buddy was busy doing her job all the night... So,we less talk to each other... I wanted to dance with her,but,Kar Muan was with me all the night... I've missed the chance... Feel a little bit regret... But nevermind lah...

After the Prom Night,I've went to Aman Puri McD with Kar Muan,Jenny,Zhe Chua and Jiun Tat to have our supper... I was still stay with Kar Muan at the McD there to have a chat before we went home after our meal... We started to chat about our problem of love... She said we better become friend... Then okay lo... I didn't say anything... Fetched her home,and then went to find that buddy at her house... But she was already sleep at that time I think... She didn't receive the messages that I've sent to her... Kar Muan called me later and said her earing might have leave at my car just now... I back to her house,and finally,she found her earing on the floor infront of her house... After that,I received the message delivery report for the message that I've sent to that buddy... She replied me and said her handphone had run out of battery just now... Then I've rushed to her house 'coz I felt unhappy...

She went out from her house and she thought I'll take her for a ride to somewhere else... But I didn't do that,'coz my car is 'not that suitable to do this kind of job'... We went to the garden near her house,sit down on the cement bench... I didn't say anything... Then she started to talk about her problem... She cried...... I listened to her and then said something to calm her down... Then I received a call from Kar Muan... We chatted for about half an hour before we ended our conversation... I've decided to back to the relationship with Kar Muan...... The end,had become another beginning... Maybe it's good,or maybe it's not... I also don't know...

After that phone call,I back to the cement bench with that buddy... Her head leaned on my shoulder... I felt a bit 'sweet' at that time... Don't know why... After a while,I also feel very tired and my head had already leaned on her head,then I fall asleep... Don't know after how long,I awaked and she pulled me up and want me to go home... But I really felt damn tired and sad at that time... After a while,we went home......

This post is just to write down what happened early at this morning... For no reason,I just wanna post it...... Hope you all will not feel boring when reading this post...

Maybe it's good for everyone

That buddy of mine that i've mentioned in my last post,said that we're all buddies... It's okay... At least this case will not be too complicated... But another thing is,when I heard this for the first time,I felt a little bit down... Don't know why...

Saw C just now at school when I was going to go home after taken my report card... She didn't even take a look at me for any milisecond... At that time,I just think that,why can't we just become a friend? Can't even look at me? Feel a bit sad for this... But nevermind... I don't care about her anymore... I should not keep her things inside my heart... It's worthless...

Tonight is the Prom Night... Should I become Kar Muan's partner or just be alone? I really don't know... Can anybody tell me what should I do? I really wish to dance with that buddy... But I don't think that she'll thinking of the same thing as me... Her partner of last year's Prom Night was her ex,the outstanding guy... She still have the memories of him inside her heart... So... I should just forget it,let it go......

What should I treat Kar Muan as at tonight's Prom Night? My dancing partner? My girlfriend? Or just a normal friend? I really don't know............ I don't wanna hurt her anymore... So what should I do? I wish I could just lost my memories right now!!! Everything about love will not bothering me anymore!!!!!!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................

why?

Why me? Why I always involved in something complicated? Why always me,but not anybody else? Since last Thursday,I got back to the relationship with Kar Muan... This is a secret and it'll be revealed at this Saturday's Prom Night...

A buddy of mine really makes me feel like...... I don't know what to do and... Keep on thinking of the way to solving the problem... That person treat me so good,and I...... Is it that person just treat me as a friend? I really hope so... 'Coz at least it won't makes this case to become more and more complicated... But I think it's quite stupid for me to think about this,because,it's impossible that that person will have any other feeling to me out of the friendship things... Maybe I'm just over-worried about it... The thing that makes me stop thinking about it,is that person's ex... The ex is an outstanding person... I think everyone will be attracted by that ex... Comparing everyting of me with that ex,I'm just nothing... So... I think maybe I'm really over-worried about it... That buddy of mine would not have any other special feeling towards me... Then... I think everything will be fine soon... But I really need that buddy very very much... I really hope that nothing will spoil our friendship... 'Coz that's the only person that I treat as a real buddy of an opposite gender...

I love to stay with that buddy... Very comfortable,no pressure at all,can say anything,release tension,do something special,happy or even delighted... I'll feel okay everytime I see that buddy when I'm moody... That buddy really can considered as my 'medicine of bad mood'... Haha... Weird isn't it... I couldn't thinking of my life without that buddy... I can't lost her and I also hope that this won't be happened on me......