Photo session...!

My cute baby niece,Melissa...

哦

过去了，没可能再回来。墙上有洞口了，就算补回去，也已经不是原本的那道墙了。玻璃瓶被摔破了，粘回去，裂痕依然在。要把它当作不完美，还是缺陷美，这都是由你来决定。不过那都是曾经发生过的，是我们的经验。当有一天，看回洞口满满的墙，裂痕累累的瓶，你会有什么感觉呢？对我来说，都是过去了。看着它，回忆它。曾几何时，它们还是一幅美丽的景色，但到了现在，风光已不在了。努力追求过去的事，是多么的愚蠢。

彩虹-周杰伦

完了

我没得去旅行了。她终于放弃我了。什么都完了。本以为跟她一起进大学。没了。梦想没了。她不要我了。一切都完了。骗人的。又说不介意了。现在又介意。做么酱的。没有力了。

麻

我又分手了。我看这次，我们不会在回一起了。我很舍不得她。所有事都是因为我。我伤她太深了。我挽留不到。她要离开了。她已经离开了。这次我真的觉得很伤心。伤心到我真的什么也说不出来了。我一直吃，一直吃。看戏，试图忘记。没有用。我哭了。在家疗伤吧。我很需要她。但她已不需要我了。因为我并不好。我一次又一次地伤害她。有形与无形的种种伤害。她累了。所以他放手，一个人走远了。我停留在后方，默默地看着她的背影，慢慢地消失在我眼前。心情既是悲痛，又是无奈。她是个好女生。叶嘉雯。是个可以为爱付出所有一切的一个好女生。她不应该跟我这个，整天只会伤害她的坏人在一起。我，只会耽误她。我祝她，可以早日找到真爱，跟她的另一半开开心心地过生活。不要再记得我了。我只会伤害你。。。我从来没有想过要怎样对你好。，。[没顾过你的感受。冷落你，背叛你，气你。我不是好男友。忘记我。。，为什么我不珍惜你。。，，。我现在真的失去你了。。，。。。。。没有回头了。。。。。。。。。。。。。没有了。什么都完了。。/

什么都没了。女友没了。朋友也没了。昨天我看到我最要好的两个朋友，做出了一件伤我很深很深的事。可能对他们来说，根本算不上是一件值得想起的事。但我的心非常痛。到了今天，我终于知道了。我不会再放任何期望在他们身上了。酒肉猪朋狗友，我真的有一大堆。原来我身边都是。现在就只剩下一个。我觉得他是好朋友，我希望他也会是这样看待我。家里都是姐姐，没人讲心事。朋友，我不懂。我就快没完了。一个。最后一个罢了。是我最后的希望。没了爱情，我真的不想连最后一份真挚的友情也弄丢了。如果命运真是如此的话。。。好吧。不过我还是会抱着一线希望，在最后这一个朋友身上。之前我的那个好朋友部落格里地四位“成员”，现在已经有三位成了过去式。我从来不会把亲情看得很重，因为就觉得它的存在是必然的。不过，现在我得纠正我这个错误的观念了。我很希望有一位相知相依相偎的好朋友。一个，已经可以了。很羡慕嘉隆跟良东。很羡慕Eli跟珊珊。七年来努力维护的友情，到头来，只是一场空。可能真的就是，人是不会珍惜现有的东西，却只会追求难以得到或得不到的东西吧。我是时候，也该走远了。你们可以没有了我，但我不能没有了你们。当我真的走远了，我就真的不会再回来了。我现在对我朋友们的心情，就跟嘉雯现在对我的心情一样。希望破碎，力气用尽，就只有离开，才可以找回自己。累了。放弃了。。。。。。

美丽的误会

我们常常会有一些美丽的误会，比如说，你以为某人是你的好朋友，然而，你在他心中那张名单上，却不是名列前茅的。
你有什么心事都会向他倾诉，他与之倾诉的，却又是另一个人。
别人问你：“你有几个知己？”你总是把他算在内。
别人问你：“你对知己的定义是什么？”你总会把你和他的友情看成是知己的定义。
人总是难免有一厢情愿的时候。平安无事的日子，你不会去想，你视之为知己的那个人，是否也把你当成知己。只有当你需要他的时候，你才会惊觉自己在他心中的地位，并不是你想象的那样。
原来，对他来说，你只是一个比普通要好一点的朋友。
你曾经天真地以为，你们的友情是一辈子的。假使有一天，你需要他，他会支持你，会站到你这一边来。然而，到了这一天，他原来只会袖手旁观。
他没有对你不起，只是你自作多情而已。这个世界上，从来就没有一条法例规定，你把某个人视作最好的朋友，对方也应该以此回报。
友情有时候也像爱情，你爱他，他不一定爱你。不过，我们也许会对所爱的人情深地说：“爱你是我一个人的事，你不用爱我。”然而，对于朋友，我们却没有那么壮怀激烈。

摘自张小娴散文集《收不起的思念》。



昨晚因为闷，所以找回这本未看完的书来看。巧合的是，我读到了这一篇，美丽的误会。文中所指的“你”，其实就跟我的心情和遭遇一样。我从小到大，朋友都不多，所以我所认定的朋友，就是我的知己。我会把我的朋友介绍给别人认识，因为我觉得我的朋友，是最好的，是最讲义气的，是最重情的，甚至可以说都是现在社会上少见的好人。最近发生了好多事，真的不得不令我承认我正正面对着文中所说的状况。我并没有否认他们是好朋友，但他们的对象并不是我。我静下心想，原来在我所谓的“知己”当中，真得没有一个是把我排在他们名单里的第一位。

永远？

无论友情，或爱情，都没有永恒的。人就是因为没有，才要去追寻。友谊万岁，永恒的爱，一生的朋友，Friends Forever，Forever Love，这些通通是人类的梦想。
你有听过我们要寻找“永远的亲情”吗？

新

最近我体验到一些东西。我觉得，有时一段真挚的爱情，真的比一百段友情来得好。
不懂是我想太多，还是我真的遇人不孰呢？

dunno

Boring... Don't feel like wanna study...
Nothing to write wo...
Anything to ask?
I can answer for you all...
Hehe...
But I don't think you all will interested about my things...

Trial Exam

No mood to study... Don't know why... What happened to me? Sigh...
I'll fail all of the subjects if I continue like this...
What I'm doing now is,I'm avoid from study... Play piano,surf the net,or just sleep. I don't feel like wanna study.

K

If one day I lost contact with Kang Wei,then I've became a person that has no friend.

通了!

我知道要做什么了！

Regret

I scolded her... I'm so stupid. I can feel that,she don't respect me at all now.
I'm a jerk.

享受现在所做的事，因为那都是我们自己选择的。

爱，就要执着，坚持，才会有奇迹的出现。

感情的失败，不是让你跌倒，而是让你成长。

words

How are you?

Happy?

Or still feeling not well?

Still cannot concentrate on your study?

Still......thinking of him?

friends

Now I only know...

When I really have problem,there won't be anybody besides me.

Friends.

For so many years,I be friend with all of them.

I did everything that I can for them.

But when I have problem,they are not by my side.

I have chose them as my friends,'coz I know they are good,they are reliable.

But am I wrong?

Nobody will think of me,remember me,all the time.

They said I'm too good with them,they no need to do so.

Maybe I should trust them.

I'll treat them cool everytime when I feel suffer in my friendship.

It's because I want them to care for me.

I do something to MAKE them care for me.

And it just last for,maybe a day.

Then everything will back to normal.

Maybe I have treated you all too bad,so you all must treat me like this.

I HAVE PROBLEM,DID YOU ALL KNOW???!!!

曾经有个朋友说过：“朋友，是在你真正有问题的时候才出现的。”

那你在哪里啊？你们全部都不见了。认识我酱多年，你们不曾真正了解我的内心世界。

我很痛苦，你们懂吗？没有可能懂。

busy? or not?

She has blacklisted me. She's trying to avoid me. I can feel that. Or maybe it's just I think too much? I don't know. I won't know. Nothing I can do. I only can try to forget her. But it's too hard for me. Don't know why. We didn't chat in this whole holiday. She sent me a message last night. I can't sleep because of that message 'coz I've waited her message for so long. The end of her message was,"no need to reply". You know what I feel?

distracted......

Now,it should be the time for me to study very hard 'coz the STPM trial examination is just around the corner. But I don't think I can do that. Why? I can't concentrate.

I love the new background music of my blog now. It's an intermezzo of the movie,Secret. Hope you all will also like it.

Her ex is still inside her mind... Sometimes I also will think of her ex. Why? 'Coz I wanna do the same thing as she did. Is it funny? Maybe... But I don't think it is.

Secret

I think it's a nice movie that everyone should watch it.

Not Feeling Well

I'm not okay now. I've scared to posting at here 'coz I afraid that someone will read it and feel unhappy. So,what I've written at here,might not be the 100% of me. It makes me feel like,I can't even express the real me on my writings at here now. Couldn't blame anyone 'coz it's all my fault. I'm the person who worsen the situation.

Behaves badly on love. The name 'playboy' is going to stick on me,right? I think nobody will deny this. It's a fact. Have a bad record. Sometimes,I'll thinking of,I shouldn't be at here in Form 6. At least I won't even hate myself,hate everything that I did. I'm still a guy that love Huie Thing very much. I won't have those bad attitudes as what I have now. I'm still a normal guy. But now,it's totally different. Everything changed. I'm a bad guy in many people's mind. I can't return to the past. I've to walk through it. But the problem is,can I do that? Although I'm the one who hurt my ex,but I also feel that,I've already afraid about,love............

Untitled

It's quite a long time since I last posting at here. Many things have changed. I hope everyone will be fine soon. Nobody get hurt anymore. Maybe it's life. We must gone through many obstacles. I think most of us are putting more concentration on love in our life than any other things. Chemistry,spark,make up feelings,then love. We all like the feeling that to be loved by another person and also love the other person. We'll feel happy,delighted at that time. Most of us often put our beloved to be the no.1 person in our life. We already forget about our family and also friends. At that period of time,we even feel that we can't live
without our beloved,but not because of without our family.

I saw many people feel sad all the time just because his/her beloved break up with him/her. They became aimless in their life. They don't even know that at this time,they're actually hurting those persons that care about them. Their parents,sisters and brothers,friends,etc. Some of them that are not mature enough even make the decision to commit suicide. What a donkey. They didn't dare to face the reality,to face the truth. Go to hell just because of the only 1/3000000000. Don't you think it's funny? I don't think he/she is the only one that is worth for you to be loved since there're 2999999999 more boys/girls out there!
He/she leave you alone,he/she didn't appreciate you,but you did nothing wrong,then why you still wanna act like a stupid,to feel sad because of him/her? It's difficult for a person to let go a person that he/she really loves,but although it's tough,we must also do it well! Youlove him/her very much,you still have the strong feeling to him/her,but his/her feeling to you already became 0,already became past tense. At that time,there's nothing for you to do out of crying. He/she won't come back. Once he/she made the decision to break up with you,he won't even pity you anymore. You can't cry to him/her,tell your feeling to him/her. Nothing you can do to him/her. He/she is useless for you,but make sure,you don't make yourself to become useless. Don't give up everything just because of a HUMAN. There're still many chance out there.

What is considered as puppy love? 2 persons that not really love each other,but they're always together to do something like go for some outings together,hold each other's hand,and some even give out their first kiss. Most of our first love are also puppy love,but a few of them are true love. They can't forget every moment of it after the broke up. Sigh.


To be continued......

CutE mAp

DLMK22-Friendship

How's my friendship with her? I don't know. Why we'll treat each other as a stranger at school now? Nothing to say to me anymore? I think so... I've chatted with a friend last night about this special friendship. I've told him all of the problems that I'm facing now. He has suggested that I should go and ask her why she suddenly treat me very 'cool'. I said I'm not going to ask her anything about this. The reason is,I don't want she feel like I'm an annoying person. Just let it remain as now. Feel jealous to those guys that can have close contact with her. Me? Cannot consider as a far contact with her,'coz we even don't have any contact. Feel happy 'coz she still replying my message,although it's far shorter than those messages that she replied to me last time. I think the problem is we have no topic to chat anymore. Or maybe she's already bored of chatting with me? Ya... I think it is the reason......

DLMK21-alone

I feel lonely. Nobody actually concern about me. I'm trying to hide all my unhappiness from others by laughing all the time. Laughing also can makes me forget all my unhappy memories,but just for that moment. When I got into my mom's car just now after school,all those misery pop out within a second. I'm not as happy as I you all see me at school. Nobody knows. DLMK21. I'll no longer write this 'DLMK' anymore,maybe. 'Coz it's already became meaningless. Maybe I'll change it to,LMKF. Who knows?

Nice

DLMK19-It won't change......

Maybe she's busy... I shouldn't bother her anymore... But I'll feel unhappy everytime when she treat me 'cool'... She talk to me only once in a day now at school... Sometimes we even didn't talk to each other... It's totally different now compared to last time... Just like today,when she called my name,I really felt very happy and straight away told her that that was the first time she call my name today,but she didn't hear what I'm trying to tell... Do you all think it's kinda stupid to feel happy just because of this silly stuff? Yea... I think so... And I'll feel quite unhappy also when she's together with other guys... Haha... I'm such a loser! Feeling moody for what? She's too high class...

The special friendship has became worse... We're not best friend anymore I think... Only I'm treating her as a best friend,or even more,but she only treat me as a normal friend,that's all.

DLMK18-My Feelings?

I wish I could have a mature girl as my love partner. Someone that has a similar thought as me. We can share each other's things all the time,and also can help each other when facing problems. The most important things is to have the same taste. I prefer a love by soul rather than using brain. Sometimes even can compete with her to get something. Haha... My English is quite bad and you all may not understand what I'm trying to tell.

Less than 4 months to go before STPM. I'm still not ready for anything. I think I'll never achieve my aim if I still don't wanna move forward. I should be worked hard now but not thinking about other things. That's what I did at form 5 that made me only get 6As in SPM. It was also about love. But I never feel regret about things on 2005. I think I should change my attitude starting from tomorrow. Shouldn't be lazy in class anymore. But the biggest problem is my determination. I don't think I'll have 100% determination on study unless something really worst happened to me. Although I say so,but I also don't hope that something bad will happen to me.
Finger-crossed......=)

HoNda

DLMK17-Settled

Finally,I've finished my Grade 5 practical piano exam! Prepared it for almost a year,just for the 20 minutes performance. Now wait for the result lo... Never hope to get Merit or Distinction,as long as I pass,then it's already ok...

After the exam yesterday,I didn't back home immediately. Hang around at KLCC,then received a call from KM. She said she wanna go out with me and wanna tell me something. I told her to come to KLCC. She really came! We watched Vacancy,then went out to the garden outside KLCC to have a walk. We found a place to sit down and we started to chat. We went home around 9pm. I received her message around 10 pm. She said she can't forget me,and won't treat me bad,also said she still likes me... I told her don't think too much. And said we should concentrate on study now. She agreed. Then ok already.

I think everything is ok now. Now I just wanna concentrate on study,and also all my friendship. Love's things,after STPM first lah...

DLMK13-Mooooody..............

My relationship with KM ends finally at last night. My feeling after that 'break up' moment was,down... Lost my mood to do anything... Then I've called some friends to come out and chat. Felt better after that. KM said I didn't put her inside my heart,so she don't wanna continue anymore. I say nothing. That's the end of our story,and I think this might be the last 'The End' of us...

After ending this love relationship,I don't know what will happen to the another friendship. Today at school,until home,I feel that that friendship has already became very very normal. That's what I don't wish to happen. Maybe it's the fate. What I wish is,our friendship can back to the stage last time,a very best friend. Haha... That's very good ar... Go here go there,share each other's secrets,stay with each other when one of us is unhappy,chat happily,and many many more... That's all what I wish,back to that happy period of mine. But those were already past tense... Whatever is gone,it won't come back,anymore.

DLMK11-Am I too NAIVE?

I'm such a DONKEY! Why you didn't tell me that you won't fallen to me for the rest of your life? Why you didn't tell me straightly that we're impossible to be with each other together? Why you just said I'm not really fallen on you,but you never say you won't fallen to me? You had drive me mad! I feel like I'm now playing by you. You told me that you didn't like him now,but why you told the others that you still love him very much? Why can't you just tell me that you still love him very much? Why you wanna cheat me?

I'm not as good as him... You won't have ANY feeling towards me forever... Whatever I do,whenever I wait you until,it's also the same...

Tell me straight forward,you won't like me. Is this sentence that difficult to be told?

DLMK8-Responsibility?

Responsibility,makes KM's bf... I lost a best friend because of KM... A special buddy for me,E... I felt damn unhappy all these days... She's so cool to me... Less talk to me... I'll always look at her in the class when I'm free... Maybe she lives more happy without me...

I've chatted with KM today at school before go home... I told KM that I still like E,even more than my her... But KM didn't show any unhappy face to me... I know KM is damn sad,just don't wanna show to me... KM said she wanna be with me happily for these 4 months... But these 4 months have already bring me to an ending,which is the one that I do not wish to happen... KM don't want me to leave her... I'm now doing a job as a BF,with less love feelings... The one who I really like,has nearly become a stranger with me... I'm 'ff' now... But I only can do nothing...

DLMK6-Life's suckS!

What happened? Why everyone treat me like that? Damn! Don't wanna care about me,leave me alone... I can't stand for it anymore!!! Why not you all come and care about me,care about what I feel??? T-T

DLMK1-Tough

I've made a decision that I never wish to... I leaved her... I was wonder why KM can be so selfish... Maybe is because I'm the one who did things wrong at first... I should pick up this responsibility... KM don't want me to close to her anymore... So I've made this decision...

Didn't face to her today... Feel like very weird... Didn't talk to her today... Feel like very boring,meaningless in my school life... I saw her,feel very tired today,don't know why... I wanna go and care about her,but I know I can't do this... It's very hard for me to leave her alone... I saw her drink water today,but she drank so much in a time... But at least she drink lar... Good girl... Hehe... After I went home,I didn't chat with her in SMS... Feel like I've lost something... Very boring,and the time also pass so slow... She's online now... Should I find her and chat with her? I think I should not do this... Maybe I'll just send her some words and then offline immediately... I always do something like this... I miss her very much ar... What should I do? What can I do? Maybe everything will be fine soon,right?

Just now,I looked at my face through the mirror... Compared to her ex,I'm really nothing... Haiz... Nevermind lah... No matter how I look like,she also will not fall in love to me... I just hope that I can stay beside her,to make her happy... I don't want her to be sad anymore...

I remebered her words,not to wear the other's specs,not to put the handphone in the pocket infront of the chest... Some stupid advice from her... Haha... Hope she'll always remember to take her morning and night pills,spray her medicine,drink more water,do her homework everyday and sleep early every night lah... And concentrate to the class everytime... Don't always sleep at class when teacher is teaching ma... Don't be so blur everytime... Must get out of the 'soh po' life ma... The most important thing is to do what she wish to... I mean things that are about her ex lar...

I'm going to walk alone when the KPJ duty lu... She is leaving my life,and withdrawing my happiness in my life...... She is Mei Kuan.

It's Impossible...

I think,she'll not likes me... I'm really nothing for her,compared to her ex... Everytime when she mention about her ex,my heart will feel like broken... She haven't forget about him,and also will never forget about him... Everytime when I heard about her ex's name from her mouth,I'll feel that I'm just like an useless guy... She'll never likes me... He's everything but I'm just nothing... I'm a person that lack of confidence... I'm not 'her cup of tea'... Her standard is too high until I can't reach it... This is the 2nd time,that I feel like really don't have any confident... It's also the 2nd time that I'll willing to do something stupid for a girl... The 1st time was Huie Thing...

I'm trying to do many things so that I can stay together with her more... But everytime when I'm doing these kind of things,I'm actually showing all my 'uselessness' to her... I really don't wanna like that...... I don't know what to do now... Happy when I be with her... I only want a happy relationship,just like this,but I don't think we can move any step forward... Not even after STPM... I'm too weak for her... She should not has a person like me to stay with her... What she needs,is a person that just like her ex,a person that is outstanding,even extraordinary...

Maybe I should just do what Kang Wei has said,using that method to pull out my feelings to her... I think she also wishes me to do so... Sometimes I'll feel like she has some feelings towards me,but sometimes I'll feel that she just treat me as a best friend... I think P(she treat me as best friend)>P(she likes me),for many many times...

The trip to Parliament has already cancelled,so many of us were planning to go home early,but my friends didn't... She did... When I back to my class,my feeling was just like,I lost something... Then,I started to search for something... The thing that I'm searching for,is her... When I've realized that she's already gone,I felt so down in a sudden... I've called her immediately... But I didn't follow her to get back to home... I went to Science 2 to find my friends... Chat with Zhe Chua about my problem and feelings now... He told me that don't go to compare myself with her ex... But I can't... I think everyone will definitely impressed by her ex when they heard about him...

He's everything and I'm nothing...
He's Hero and I'm just a ZERO!!!

It's nearly the end...

I think I'll take a long break before I posting on this blog for the next time... Thanks for those who were supporting my blog all this time... Thank You Very Much... Bye......

The End----->The Beginning

The Prom Night had already over... As Kar Muan's partner,I enjoyed the night... I saw that buddy was busy doing her job all the night... So,we less talk to each other... I wanted to dance with her,but,Kar Muan was with me all the night... I've missed the chance... Feel a little bit regret... But nevermind lah...

After the Prom Night,I've went to Aman Puri McD with Kar Muan,Jenny,Zhe Chua and Jiun Tat to have our supper... I was still stay with Kar Muan at the McD there to have a chat before we went home after our meal... We started to chat about our problem of love... She said we better become friend... Then okay lo... I didn't say anything... Fetched her home,and then went to find that buddy at her house... But she was already sleep at that time I think... She didn't receive the messages that I've sent to her... Kar Muan called me later and said her earing might have leave at my car just now... I back to her house,and finally,she found her earing on the floor infront of her house... After that,I received the message delivery report for the message that I've sent to that buddy... She replied me and said her handphone had run out of battery just now... Then I've rushed to her house 'coz I felt unhappy...

She went out from her house and she thought I'll take her for a ride to somewhere else... But I didn't do that,'coz my car is 'not that suitable to do this kind of job'... We went to the garden near her house,sit down on the cement bench... I didn't say anything... Then she started to talk about her problem... She cried...... I listened to her and then said something to calm her down... Then I received a call from Kar Muan... We chatted for about half an hour before we ended our conversation... I've decided to back to the relationship with Kar Muan...... The end,had become another beginning... Maybe it's good,or maybe it's not... I also don't know...

After that phone call,I back to the cement bench with that buddy... Her head leaned on my shoulder... I felt a bit 'sweet' at that time... Don't know why... After a while,I also feel very tired and my head had already leaned on her head,then I fall asleep... Don't know after how long,I awaked and she pulled me up and want me to go home... But I really felt damn tired and sad at that time... After a while,we went home......

This post is just to write down what happened early at this morning... For no reason,I just wanna post it...... Hope you all will not feel boring when reading this post...

Maybe it's good for everyone

That buddy of mine that i've mentioned in my last post,said that we're all buddies... It's okay... At least this case will not be too complicated... But another thing is,when I heard this for the first time,I felt a little bit down... Don't know why...

Saw C just now at school when I was going to go home after taken my report card... She didn't even take a look at me for any milisecond... At that time,I just think that,why can't we just become a friend? Can't even look at me? Feel a bit sad for this... But nevermind... I don't care about her anymore... I should not keep her things inside my heart... It's worthless...

Tonight is the Prom Night... Should I become Kar Muan's partner or just be alone? I really don't know... Can anybody tell me what should I do? I really wish to dance with that buddy... But I don't think that she'll thinking of the same thing as me... Her partner of last year's Prom Night was her ex,the outstanding guy... She still have the memories of him inside her heart... So... I should just forget it,let it go......

What should I treat Kar Muan as at tonight's Prom Night? My dancing partner? My girlfriend? Or just a normal friend? I really don't know............ I don't wanna hurt her anymore... So what should I do? I wish I could just lost my memories right now!!! Everything about love will not bothering me anymore!!!!!!

ARHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.................................................

why?

Why me? Why I always involved in something complicated? Why always me,but not anybody else? Since last Thursday,I got back to the relationship with Kar Muan... This is a secret and it'll be revealed at this Saturday's Prom Night...

A buddy of mine really makes me feel like...... I don't know what to do and... Keep on thinking of the way to solving the problem... That person treat me so good,and I...... Is it that person just treat me as a friend? I really hope so... 'Coz at least it won't makes this case to become more and more complicated... But I think it's quite stupid for me to think about this,because,it's impossible that that person will have any other feeling to me out of the friendship things... Maybe I'm just over-worried about it... The thing that makes me stop thinking about it,is that person's ex... The ex is an outstanding person... I think everyone will be attracted by that ex... Comparing everyting of me with that ex,I'm just nothing... So... I think maybe I'm really over-worried about it... That buddy of mine would not have any other special feeling towards me... Then... I think everything will be fine soon... But I really need that buddy very very much... I really hope that nothing will spoil our friendship... 'Coz that's the only person that I treat as a real buddy of an opposite gender...

I love to stay with that buddy... Very comfortable,no pressure at all,can say anything,release tension,do something special,happy or even delighted... I'll feel okay everytime I see that buddy when I'm moody... That buddy really can considered as my 'medicine of bad mood'... Haha... Weird isn't it... I couldn't thinking of my life without that buddy... I can't lost her and I also hope that this won't be happened on me......

Hiu......

I'm okay now... Stop thinking of her already... 'Coz I think it's not worth it... What should I do now? Study hard for my STPM... I'm sure at least I can get over 3.0 for my CGPA of STPM... That's my new aim now... Love matters... I don't think I need it now... I have a best friend now... Eng Mei Kuan... A special friend,Kar Muan... And the other buddies... Good care from family... I'm enough with what I have now... My life is happy now... And also,I still have this blog... When I'm in a bad mood,I can just 'write down' my feeling at here,put my bad mood at here and just leave it... Although there's nobody log into my blog,but I'll still continue blogging at here... I feel very thank you to those who read my blog... Thanks for supporting me all the time... I'm fine now... Thank You Very Much... ^-^

为什么？

我什么你们要杯葛我？我做错了吗？喜欢上一个人有罪吗？就是因为她是我girlfriend的好朋友，我就不能喜欢上她吗？我们的初恋就一定要是结婚对象的了吗？喜欢一个人，难道我能控制的吗？感觉来的时候，难道我能阻挡得到吗？分手一定是男生的错吗？你们只为嘉雯想，那有为我想过吗？你们以为我很开心吗？我很痛苦，有人懂吗？我很伤心难过，你们懂吗？我并没有追求另一个，也没有一脚踏两船，难道酱都有错吗？你们杯葛我，那有想过我的感受吗？我不能过回正常生活，你们知道吗？我很大压力你们懂吗？我很想哭你们又懂吗？我很累你们知道吗？我才19岁罢了，难道你们要我跟一个自己不喜欢的人过一生吗？我不能有选择的权利吗？我只想找一个适合自己的人，不可以吗？难道我连喜欢一个人的权利也没有吗？难道我要喜欢我想喜欢的人都不可以吗？难道我只可以喜欢特定的几个人吗？我什么都不能做了，难道你们不能让我安安乐乐地喜欢一个人吗？我已经选择了，我对她，只是暗恋，可以吗？




你们不觉得你们自己很幼稚吗？？！！

怎么办。。。

我很辛苦。。。昨晚才刚说了要忘记她，但今天又。。。

在上课的时候，我真的没什么望她，也没什么留意她了。只是在放学过后的Lower 6 Orientation,我真的不能把注意力搬离她身上。看她在那边，又不能望她，真的很难，很辛苦。。。看到她跟我自己的朋友玩，但我自己却真的真的没有可能可以酱做，真的很辛苦，很痛苦。。。只能在她看不到我的地方，偷偷望一望她。。。捱过了辛苦的几个小时后，离开学校的那一刻，简直就可以说是解脱。。。上钢琴班的时候，我根本集中不到注意力。。。。。。

我不能表白，不能告诉别人我喜欢她，不能望她，要假装根本看不到她，要当她透明，当不认识她这个人，把自己变成行尸走肉。。。。。。明知道跟她是根本没有可能的，但我还是要这样执著。。。我说我放得下，其实我根本就做不到。。。要到几时我才可以醒？？？！！！

她，给我的感觉就好像以前的美玲酱，遥不可及。我，还要挣扎，痛苦多半年。。。。。。

C......

昨晚，是我第一次梦见C...这个梦，很奇特。我只记得一些重要部份罢了。

记得有一幕，好像是学校暴动，她受伤了。我立刻跑过去看她，还非常紧张。而她对我的回应，就是没有反应。她好像不是很喜欢我似的。之后我就离开了。还有另外一幕，就是我坐上了她驾驶的车。我在车上向她表白，但她说她是不会接受我的。这个过后，又不知道发生了什么事，然后我就只记得我在醒来之前对她所说的最后一句话，就是：“你讲是因为考试才不接受我的啊，你说的啊......”。意思就好像要她说过要算数。

在现实生活里，如果她要拒绝我的话，又何止这一个原因呢？如果我没有错的话，我觉得她是那种，不会违反自然状态，就是说，是怎样都不会跟好朋友的前男友有瓜葛的人来的。就是因为这一点，我就完全没有机会了。

出现在我梦里的女生，都一定是我喜欢的。梦醒后，去到学校，整天的校园生活，我发现，我真的是喜欢上她了。我曾经说过，除了慧婷之外，我不能跟C在一起，就是我的第二个遗憾。不过，我现在，就只有一个选择，就是把感觉收在心里，因为，我跟她，是根本不会有结果的。

和嘉

2nd October 2006 - 6th June 2007

梦

我相信，每一个人，都曾作梦。

天马行空，毫无逻辑，想做什么，就做什么。

我昨晚作了个怪梦。

我，变成了慧婷的丈夫。

很好笑对吗？

连我自己也不敢相信。

更可笑的是，她怀孕了。

我照顾她，无微不至。

直到她进产房，我陪她生产。

她生了个可爱的小女生，有一双很大很大的眼睛。

生产过后，我还照顾得她很好。

很好笑的一个梦......

后悔了？

问我有后悔跟她在回一起吗？

我也不懂。

我希望我不会选择错误。

对她还有感觉，只是已经不深而已。

再培养？顺其自然吧。。。

不想再伤害她，所以怎样都不会再提分手了。

把另外那一份感觉收藏起来，不让别人看见。

这，应该是最好的解决方法吧。

我痛苦不用紧，最重要不会伤害到她。

我很伟大？这样说，太讽刺了。我并不认为我伟大。

红颜知己，还有心上人，这两个人都不可能会喜欢上我的。

所以，我回到girlfriend身边。

我这种人，叫贱人。

我复合了！

我失恋了...

李玖哲

最近开始听他的歌。

好听吗？我觉得，好听！

韩国人。虽然咬字不是很清，但唱的歌却很好听。

这里放了他的一首“影子”，不知道你们有没有听过，但我觉得很好听。

有机会的话，就让你们听他别的歌啦。

因为她，令到我更加喜欢，李玖哲。

我的字

换了新歌，“同类”。

超喜欢这首歌，很适合我的心情。

有一次，我听过她哼这首歌。就是那次之后，我开始喜欢这首歌。

我好像太傻了对吗。。。

这可说是我人生第二个遗憾吧。。。

因为不能和她在一起。

好啦。。。

上来看我写东西的朋友。。。

如果你们得空的话，就请你们帮我宣传一下我的部落格啦。谢谢。

没有题目

嘉雯很好。
她不介意我任何东西。
她体谅我，原谅我，什么事都迁就我。
照理上我是不应该嫌弃她。
昨天跟她出去，觉得很舒服。
但是感觉，一般而已。
只提升了一点点。
该怎么做？
我不懂。。。
离开她，又不舍得。
不离开她，又怕自己不是真心，会耽误她。
觉得对她好，是份责任。
照顾她，也是份责任。
以前以为失去了她，我并不会后悔。
但现在，我肯定地说，没有了她，我一定会哭。
很怪的句子。
我应该好好爱她的，对吗？

Damn!

Sometimes really feel damn angry. What the hell is he thinking about? Damn. Feel like don't wanna do anything more. Just leave it for others to finish it! Why should I do all these things for nothing? NOBODY appreciate it! I know I'm nothing,everyone listen to him,follow his order,but can't you pay more attention on this project? Put more effort on it,okay? Said hate to do this project,but you also can't just leave it like that right? It's already started. You still have to done it nicely no matter how tough it is,right? Why can you stay back for your basketball session but you can't do this for your project? All these people make me feel that they're totally irresponsible.
Feel very tired now... Busy in many things... Pressure everywhere... Maybe... That's life.

同类

好无奈。。。烦恼一箩箩。。。今年是大考年，还是世界上数一数二的大考，压力真的非常大。这是我的前途，所以我必须很努力。感情事，非常复杂。对嘉雯的感觉，时多时少。说真的，她是个非常好的女生。我自问真的给不到她真正的幸福。对她的感觉，并不强烈。她并没有令到我有生命的推动力。试过跟她分手，但最后还是复合了。之后有觉得比以前更加喜欢她了，但这种感觉只维持了几天。试过要对她很好，但还是不成功。说分手，又怕伤害她，在一起，又好像在拖着她的时间。。。但我知道，前者一定比后者人道。
有时会回想起慧婷。真得很怀念那段，为爱付出，不顾一切的日子。这绝对不会发生在现在这段感情里头。除非，有奇迹。看回在那段时间所写的日记。。。只能叹息。
有一个秘密，是和嘉（征和—嘉雯的感情）的关键问题。我一直都不敢告诉她。从今年一月开学到现在，和嘉就一直被这个问题给考倒了。错，就错在我身上。我的心，出现了另一个她。感觉上我很花心，我的心，根本还没稳定下来。我有一种感觉，就是，如果我跟另一个她坠入爱河的话，那种，为爱付出，不顾一切的日子，一定会重来。对另一个她的感觉，不曾减退。但我敢肯定，在现在这个状况下，如果我跟另一个她表白的话，她不单指会拒绝我，而且一定还会排斥我。有时真得很渴望单身，因为还可以有很多选择的机会，除非已经找到了最爱。有心事，不能跟别的女生尽诉，因为她们都不敢碰一个“有妇之夫”。
“世界有时候孤单得很需要另一个同类”。
我觉得我找到了。但这两个同类，只能成为双方的过客。他们并不能结合